The Perfect Vehicle | Home | WetLeather | Links | Bikes | Humor | Contact
Southern Definitions



Subject: Hickphonics . . .

The Atlanta school board, learning that Oakland has started labeling black
slang as a language - "ebonics" - has decided there is a need to designate
southern slang as a geographic language.  Ergo, hickphonics,which is to be
taught in all southern schools.  A speaker  of this would be a hickophone.
Here is a sampling from the  hickphonics dictionary:


HEIDI  -   noun.  greeting.

HIRE YEW  -  complete sentence. remainder of greeting.
Usage:  "heidi.  hire yew?"

BARD  - verb.  past tense of "to borrow".
Usage:  my brother bard my pickup truck.

JAWJUH  -  noun.  a state just north of florida. capital is lanna.
Usage:  "my brother from jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER  -  noun.  state just west of jawjuh.
Usage: "a tornader went thru bammer 'n left $20 million in improvements."

MUNTS  -  noun. a calendar division.
Usage: "my brother from jawjuh bard my pickup truck and i ain't herd from
him in munts."

THANK  -  verb.  ability to cognitively process.
Usage:  "ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE  -  noun.  an alcoholic beverage.
Usage: "ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT  -  adjective.  not smart.  see "arkansas native".
Usage:  "some of those bammer boys sure are ignert."

RANCH  -  noun.  a tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage:  "i thank i left my ranch in the back of my pickup truck that my
brother from jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL  -  noun. a petroleum-based product.
Usage:  "I sure hope my brother from jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR  -  noun. a conflagration.
Usage:  "if my brother from jawjuh don't change the all in the pickup truck
he bard, that thangs gonna catch far."

TAR  -  noun. a rubber wheel.
Usage:  "I hope my brother from jawjuh don' git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TARRED  -  adverb.  exhausted.
Usage:  "i just flew in from lanna, and boy are my arms tarred."

FARN  -  adjective.  not from here.
Usage:  "i caint unnerstand a wurd he sed...must be from some farn cuntry."

DID  -  adjective.  not alive.
Usage:  "he's did, jim bob."

EAR  -  noun. a colorless gas (except in l.a.)
Usage: "he cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR  -  noun. a sharp twisted cable.
Usage: "stay away from that bob war fence, jim bob."

JEW HERE  -  noun and verb contraction.
Usage:  "jew here that my brother from jawjuh got a job with that bob war
fence company?"

HAZE  -  a contraction.
Usage:  "is bubba smart?  nah, haze ignert. he ain't thanked a minnit in
his life.."

SEED  - verb. past tense.
Usage:  "i ain't never seed new york city"

VIEW  -  contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage:  "i ain't never seed new york city...view?"

HEAVY DEW  -  phrase. request for action.
Usage:  "kin i heavy dew me a favor?  go bah me that linnerd skinnerd tape."

GUMMIT  -  noun. a bureaucratic institution.
Usage:  "them gummit boys sure are ignert."
Back to Humor Index